The Difference Between Having Preference and Self Hate

June 01, 2017 9:51 AM

Christopher Mobley

Lifestyle Writer

Interracial relationships will always cause some form of controversy, especially in the black community. While some believe in black love, others are down for the swirl, the whole swirl and nothing but the swirl.

While everybody has a preference, and there truly is someone for everyone, a lot of people who choose to only date a certain race are accused of self-hatred. 

Is it justified, unwarranted, or a little bit of both. 

The most recent person to receive backlash for talking about their dating preference was Ariane Andrew, better known as WWE Diva Cameron. 

After she was filmed in an interview saying that she “loves white boys” and doesn’t date black men, she was accused of being of being racist against her own kind. Some people even referred to her as a “negro bed wench.” 

The former reality TV star then explained herself, claiming that she doesn’t have anything against black men, has dated black men in the past and may even end up with a black man in the future if the opportunity presented itself in the future. She stated that her preference for white men had nothing to do with not liking black men, saying that “If you’re dope, you’re dope.” While some may feel that she was simply covering her tracks to avoid further controversy, others may believe that she is sincere. 

When talking about the difference between “self-hatred” and having a preference, you must look at the difference people, including celebrities, who claim their reasons for dating another race. While stars such as Mike Colter (Luke Cage), John Legend and Serena Williams have been in interracial relationships without as much backlash. 

This is because they have simply shown love for their partners without giving much attention to the fact that they are in an interracial relationship. However, you also have celebrities such as Sage Steele, who have shown a distain for fellow black people, especially when talking about current events (go back and look at Steele’s comments on Black Lives Matter and Colin Kaepernick). 

When you add that into the equation, you can’t help but to wonder if her dating preference has something to do with a certain disdain for black men. 
This is where you see the real difference. People are in fact allowed to have a preference when it comes to dating, but when said preference is accompanied by the act of tearing down one race or the other, it becomes something way less innocent than simply having a dating preference. When you hear a black man constantly saying that he doesn’t date black women because they are loud, ratchet, etc., or when you hear black women say that there are no “good black men” so they’re forced to date white men just to have a decent dating prospect, then it becomes almost impossible to give them the benefit of the doubt. 

The big difference between simply having a preference and having self-hatred is that a preference doesn’t need to be justified. Whenever you hear someone of color talking down on their race in order to justify their preference, there is usually something wrong. Most of the time, it’s because that person simply doesn’t have success when it comes to dating, so they place the blame on a whole group of people having negative traits instead of looking at their own faults. Other times, it may be because someone has to settle in a relationship, but if the person they happen to settle for just happens to be of a different race, they’ll try to boost up the fact that the person is of a different race just to give them “extra points”. 

Basically, there is nothing wrong at all with having a preference. If you find someone who is right for you, then something like race should not make big enough of a difference to keep you from being together. Like Ariane Andrew said, “if you’re dope, you’re dope”. However, if you have to justify you’re preference by tearing down the opposite sex of your own race, then that shows a lack of real confidence on your part, as well as some form of self-hatred within your self-conscience. 

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